A Naval Officer takes a long strange trip to the Desert.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Saturday's slop!

Hey guys.
Glad I still have people stopping by to play “Guess this mess”.
Bryce came up with that one, I thought it was pretty good.
Fridays meal was the worst I have had yet. I knew nobody would get it. The big part of the tray was just stuffing with gravy. Those fritter looking things were actually “crab bites”, and let me tell you, they SUCKED! They tasted like old crab meat mixed with salt and sawdust. The bean medley thing wasn’t too bad.
OK, Point total through Friday:
Mom- 15pts.
Rob- 15pts. “Poultry hole pate?” Well done. He scored big on that one.
Bryce-20pts. God, you stink…smelly bastard.
Peg-25pts. She’s doing well, but guesses like “meat or fish” don’t help her out much.
Pam-10pts Nice comeback, Pam.
Pamela-15pts+1 Canadian point. She wasn’t doing all that great, but a few for partial credit and a dog vomit reference make all the difference!
Jessica-2pts. Where has Jessica gone? Probably got her head in the clouds somewhere…
1st. Lady- 20pts.
Eric-10 pts Nice Dan Quayle reference…I got a chuckle out of that one. If I was any younger I probably wouldn’t have gotten it.
And by the way, they do have Kin Chee on the salad bar from time to time.
Moving onto todays pic…
This will be the very last night of the contest. My waistline can’t handle any more…
I jumped at the chance to insert a little extra “color” into this one. Have fun with it, and remember, creative responses get more points than correct guesses. I will wait until Monday is over in the states before posting the winners.
Anyway, It’s bed time for me. Take care, everyone.
Enjoy your meal.

Friday, July 28, 2006

It’s almost over….
And Thank God! I can’t keep eating like this. Today was the worst day yet…
I mean, just LOOK at that crap! I think I did a damn good job today. Not only did I find it, I even ate most of it.
Someone had asked me why I always had a bottle of water, and speculated that perhaps that is all that is here.(it’s not.) Someone else asked why they hadn’t seen any nice looking desserts on my plate. (I took care of that today.) The answer is that I usually eat very healthy. Not that I’m picky, I will eat anything, and I like most things. Seriously, ask my Mother if you happen to work with her. My brother could probably back me up on that, as well. I also stay away from sodas, because if I’m going to drink my calories, they’re going to be in beer. Take another look at that plate of “food”. This has been a rough week, but a very, very fun one. Fun because I got to focus on something other than work, and got so much interaction with you guys. I have to run out soon (I know where the fun is in the old IZ on a Friday night.) but I will have a good point total up tomorrow.
I think everyone did pretty well with last nights pics. I think everyone will be getting points for being partially correct. I believe a couple of people nailed them.
Dish one: Salmon with collard greens and sweet potatoes.
Dish Two: Pork chops with “a-sapre-a-gas” (my mother is an incredible DORK) and mashed potatoes.
Believe it or not, the salmon wasn’t bad…
Take care,

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Bon Apetit.

Ok guys, I got bumped a day behind thanks to some difficulties that I had with Blogger.com. I spent hours trying to get a picture to upload. Eventually I had to give up and hit the rack. I did get a chance to go prize shopping this afternoon at some of the local hajji-marts. I managed to procure some interesting "Iraqi stuff" that I think people might enjoy.
Since I got pushed a day behind, I put Wednesday and Thursday out at the same time.
Now, don’t anyone get all huffy about it! I don’t want to hear anyone complaining!
Actually, I’m sorry, I have to apologize…I’m just a little tired…long days…the heat…you guys understand, right?

Or, it may be because I haven’t had a crap in two days…hmmm. You see what I go through just to get a laugh!!!

Anyway…what am I forgetting…Oh Yeah!...The BALLS!
Bunch of sick freaks, you people are. What’s wrong with you, your mommies didn’t hold you enough? Raised by wolves? What’s with the potty humor, huh?
So, what have we learned?
We learned that Peg has enough class to translate (roughly) her nasty thoughts into Spanish.
We learned the she also prefers her balls "spicy". (I don't know what that means, but I think we should go dancing some time.)
We learned that myself and 1st lady are both recovering smokers. (Stay Strong, Trace!)
We learned that Bryce knows where to find the hottest Lamb-ball eating contest in northeastern Florida.

And last, but not least, we learned why I eat out so often when I come home.
To quote my dear mother:

"ground camel balls, covered in dung gravy served over a bed of camel intestines. YUMMY! And all the trimmings."

You guys should come to thanksgiving dinner some time, It’s a HOOT!

Ok, 5 pts for each person who guessed "Swedish Meat Balls"
10 pts for Bryce, Peg, and my Mother…because…well…I liked their balls.
Shy Pamela who jumped out there in such a timid manor gets awarded 1 Canadian point. You’ll love it, it’s great…it’s just like an American point, except it isn’t worth anything…
Next time, Pamela, you should grab Peg’s balls and run with them.
(just like my family did!)
You really shouldn’t be afraid with this group, I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s not like everyone in the world can see you going on and on about a plate full of camel nuts. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Now she’s going to hate me forever.)

Have fun with today’s mystery meat, I am going to try shake things up a little bit for tomorrow. (Peg’s advice) See you all soon…

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Here comes tuesday...

Hey Gang,
I just can’t tell you how pleased I am at the feedback for this silly contest.
At first I thought that Mondays dinner would be easy, then I began to feel differently.
As it turns out, there were 5 people who nailed it! I know I said that I was going to wait until the end to publish the results, but I’m thinking that a running scoreboard might be more fun, so, here we go…
Bryce, Peg, Dad, Bob, and the 1st Lady are being awarded 5 points each for correctly identifying the main dish as “Shepherd’s Pie”. With any luck it wasn’t made from real shepherds.
And Jessica gets an honorable mention of 2 points for this gem.

"Well, if it's Haliburton, I'm thinking ground lawyer.That's Cheney's company, right? Hiding his hunting indiscretions... :)"

Jessica knows me well enough to know that if ground lawyer was on the menu, I’d eat it.
Keep in mind, folks, these points don’t mean much. Kind of like on “Whose Line Is It, Anyway?” I would also like to take a moment to recognize a complete looser. My buddy Ox, bless his heart, sent me this…

"It's Chili-Mac, you silly Bald Bitch!!! that's too easy."

He was very confident, which I respect, and normally I wouldn’t rip on him.
Unfortunately, he’s here in Iraq, and he is eating the same food!
Oh Ox, you poor dumb animal. I really expect more from you than that, lets see if you can redeem yourself tonight.

Alright, about the picture for Tuesday…I think it’s WAY too easy. (my options were limited, I did my best.) Therefore, if you want BIG points then you have to be creative.
Name this nasty thing as best you can, no holds barred, nothing is out of limits!
Now, Bryce is the favorite for this round, but don’t believe for a second that he’s got it in the bag. Dig deep people, be as disgusting as you dare!

Don’t worry about me, I already ate.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Guess what’s for dinner!

I was feeling a little creative today, and thought it would be fun to have a little contest.
I am going to take a picture of my dinner every evening for a week. Each "meal" will be posted individually to allow people to post or email me with their guesses. Points will be awarded based on accuracy, as well as creativity.
At the end of the week, there may even be PRIZES!! (Well…maybe…we’ll see how I feel. After all, I’m the one who has to eat this stuff.)
Now, keep in mind, this is KBR food. KBR is owned by Halliburton. I beg you not to forget this fact as you creatively analyze these pictures.
Since today is the first day, I tossed out a softball. I think it’s easy, anyway. It didn’t taste too bad, at least. Based on how the feedback goes, I will adjust my eating habits to keep it challenging. (Won’t that be fun for me!)
Each days winners will be announced at the end of the week.

Good Luck!

Pictures from Al Faw Palace.

Hey Gang,
It’s July 24th, and things are just clipping right along here at the old IZ. I would like to say thank you to everyone for the nice birthday wishes, by the way. Things have been quiet around here, and hot. I’ve gotten used to the heat, but not the boredom.
The pictures are of the chandelier in the main rotunda in Al Faw Palace. The one with me standing in the middle of the room is just to provide some scale of the room and the chandelier. As you can, it’s pretty damn big.
Also, if you click on the chandelier pic, and look closely at the base, you can see the lights from the hidden room in the ceiling.
What it was used for, I have no idea.
That’s about all I have for now, boys and girls…
See you next time,

Monday, July 17, 2006

update for 18 July 2005

Hey all!
Time for an update.
I got an email from my buddy Bob, who asked me to clarify the living arrangements here in the International Zone. I don't know why, but I think he thought that I was living in the palace.
Now, of course, I should be living in a palace. I'm just that kind of guy.
The pics I included are of my "street", my trailer, and my half of the room I share. It's small, and not much to look at, but it's probably the best place in the country to be. That's because it's quiet, and I don't have to walk through the dirt and gravel to get to the bathroom. The food isn't that bad either. If you look at the photo of my "street" you will see what looks like grey-ish "walls" on either side. They're tarp covered sand bags, about six and a half feet tall, to protect the trailers.
I will have some more pics of the inside of a palace next time.
Take care, everyone.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Just in case it doesn't make it to the nightly news.

I don't have a lot of time tonight, so I'm going to share a little tidbit I caught on Google news today.
This, in my opinion, is the kind of thing that REALY makes America special. Not our flag, not our effecient and humane Internal Revenue Service, not even NASA. Here's what we do best. We take risks. In this guys case, about half a billion dollars worth of risk. The first link is to a news story, the seconed is to the home page of Bigelow Aerospace. Don't miss the part about "Americas Space Prize".(link three) And don't think it can't be done, Burt Rutan is building the space craft right now.
Cool stuff.
Have a nice night everyone.




Friday, July 07, 2006

Another week in the can...

Well it's Saturday morning, and I have just about reached the end of another week. It's difficult to tell where one ends and the next begins, since we are only supposed to get a half day off a week. Regardless, I have an excell file that was given to me by my buddy Sgt. Hicks called a "Baghdad Doughnut", that tracks the progress of my deployment. Today it says I am 8% complete. I think it may be a little off though...
I finally got to take a picture on Saddam's big chair. Something that I had been dying to do since I got here. Everyone else climbs in and smiles like an idiot. Not me. Not nearly creative enough for me.
I actually got a dirty look from some asshole Lt. Colonel when I had this shot taken. I don't know what the hell he was thinking....apparently I'm supposed to respect the big chair?!?!
That's something else we have no shortage of over here, Senior Officers. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting one. 0-4's,5's, and 6's all over the damn place, and all having delusions of promotion.
By the way, I would like to say hi to Peg. Thank you very much for the nice email. It's really nice to get feedback from the people who are actually reading my dribble. I am actually very surprised that I have so many people reading this thing. I only put it together so my family/friends could keep track of me, and I have ended up making a whole bunch of new friends. Including a few guys here who have done the same thing. (see the link to mikes' page on the top right.) Thanks again to everyone who stops by.