A Naval Officer takes a long strange trip to the Desert.

Monday, August 28, 2006

What a poser...

I know, I am a big dork.
I'm a big dork, but I look GOOD in that ARMY uniform!
You might think I was a real soldier and all...
Actually, I'm just a big tourist. A big, spoiled, tourist!
It used to be that people like me were "in the rear with the gear."
Now, people like me are "in the rear, making sure those emails get where they belong."
It's not as catchy as the original jingle, but I think it may catch on.
Anyway, I got to hit one of the more popular photo spots this weekend. Saddam's parade ground. If there is anyone who hasn't seen the crossed swords on TV, I would be VERY surprised. I made sure I got the second photo in there to give the correct scale.
If you look closely at the left side of the base of the arm, you can make out lots and lots of helmets. They are Iranian, taken as trophies from the war in the 80's.

Friday, August 25, 2006

The terrorists have done it again.

Those bastards have really outdone themselves this time! DAMN THEM!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

What month is it?

Hey friends,
I'm back with an update.
Now, don't get too excited. There is very little to report. It has been nothing but boring 'round these parts...
Only two things of interest have happened since I wrote last. The first is a little "boating" competition that was held here in he IZ. (pictures and story will be my next posting.) What's the second thing that got people excited?
Strangely enough, it was clouds. We actually started seeing some clouds last week. The first time since I got in country. It's amazing isn't it, the things you take for granted. I actually did a double take when I saw them. All I could think about was the fact that those beautiful wispy little clouds contained a little moisture, and how nice it be if we could get them to open up and just rain like hell, even for five minutes or so. Of course, it didn't happen. It may, I am told, in a few months or so. Until them I will have to fall back on fond memories of precipitous events that I have experienced elsewhere. The warm rain of the southern states, the cold crisp rain of the Rockies, or even the gentile New England snow.
I'm certain that my friend Jessica would remember the trip we all took to Boston. The blizzard that hit about an hour after we got to the hotel. Marek got trashed, Lucas got trashed...hell, we all got trashed. Then the next morning we had to walk through the aftermath of a deserted city to catch the amtrak back to Maine. Good stuff. Someone needs to cut the weather report out of the local paper and send it to me, at this point, it's almost as good as pornography.
Oh yeah, apparently my brother is dating again...

Till next time,

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The wierdest thing happened today.

So I go into the chow hall for some dinner, walk over to throw a salad like substance into a plastic bowl, and the next thing I know, some asshole, is trying to get my attention. I look up, and this particular asshole has a huge TV camera right in my face. WTF? Right?
I came here to eat...now piss off!!!
I didn't say that, actually, I'm far to nice a guy.
It turns out the guy is from a CBS affiliate in Ohio or someplace like that and, get this, wants to tape me filling up my tray...with food...
How ironic is that? I got a laugh out of it.
What! You want me smile while I do it! Up yours!
Actually, he was a real nice guy. I clued him in to what I found so funny after he was done filming my salad selection. He thought it was funny, too.
The only down side to this story is that he came on a night when they actually had good stuff at the chow hall. I had a plate full of shrimp creole and rice, which turned out to be pretty good. (sorry, no picture.)
I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get the prizes out from the food contest. I promise I will have them in the mail by the close of business on saturday.
As for the picture above, this was taken by a friend of mine in the bathroom of his trailer.
How's that for a sauna!

That's all I have this time, boys and girls.
Take care,

By the way, Bryce is STILL full of shit!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Here's a goody to play with in the office...

Hey Gang,
Lets see, it's Sunday night, it's close to 9pm and I just got home from work. It was actually a pretty interesting week. We moved to an awesome new office outside of the palace. It's a lot closer to my boss,(bummer) but we have a HUGE Persian rug in a cozy office that's actually a very comfortable place to work. Probably the nicest office I've ever worked in.
I also managed to have two or three very good workouts this week, and got a good point of contact for a unit out here that will allow me to take tests for a couple of computer certifications that I want. I think I'm going to shoot to get two certs under my belt by christmas.

I don't know where this link came from, one of my buddies sent it to me. Our office record is
26.6 seconds. I don't hold it, by the way. I actually work during the work day...


Have fun.

Does anyone smell something burning?

Oh yeah...that's me.
I can't lie, I'm feeling just a tad burned out. I know it's only been a little over two months, but I'm starting to get a little anxious. Yep, feelin a bit restless...not unlike my friend, pictured above. I saw on the news this week that she called for the Secretary of Defense to step down because she didn't like how the war was going. (Someone tell her the war is over. It is, by the way.) Strangely enough, this is the same week that old Joe Lieberman is getting spanked by his own party for his pro-war stance. Coincidence? I think not.
I bet you guys are just loving this stuff, huh? Golly, an election year and I miss it. Bummer for me. Now that I think of it, I'm starting to feel a little better. At least I don't have to be around to hear all of the mud slinging political ads on the radio and TV. If I was home I think I would just bury my head in the sand until Jan 1st. I suppose I could do that here...I've certainly got enough sand.
Oh, by the way. Because I love you guys, I want to warn you not to ever click on any links in any of the posts unless they are from me. Some scumbag has a program that automatically posts a link to God knows what on these blogs. Just don't click on it if it's not from me, and you will be fine. Also, since we're having this talk, why don't each of you set aside a little time this evening and make sure your virus definitions are all up to date. Otherwise, you could end up with an infected computer, and you would be really upset and probably make a face like Hillary. Then some asshole would put your picture on their blog and make fun of you.
But not me, I would never do that...
I need some sleep...
Take Care,

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Sunday = Happiness

That’s right, every Sunday looks like this. It’s kind of like the only day with actual food. The Prime rib isn’t nearly rare enough and the lobster is tough, but screw it, it’s steak and lobster! After a week of that crap, there’s just no way in hell I’m gonna complain.
I’m sorry it took me so long to get this post out, been busy at work, and I started hitting the gym this week. So I’m tired, and sore.
I am VERY pleased with the last entries, by the way. You folks really dug deep for this one. Quite impressive. Elmer Fudd’s illegitimate love child, Peggy, even paid us a visit. Not too shabby…
Let’s see….oh yeah. Dinner was: Beef tips over dirty rice, boiled potatoes, pees with mushrooms, and Beets with onions. And I ate it.

Peg, very creative response. I still can’t translate this, though…
“Dose weawwy wooked wike anything but that.”
Really, I don’t have a clue, but it’s worth 10 pts.

The 1st. lady nailed everything but the main dish, well done there. 10pts.

Bryce, however, did very well with the main dish. (I wish he had been here to eat it for me.) I don’t know what possessed him to play off of the Muppet Show, but it did bring back some nice memories. I also know what he’s getting in his stocking this year. ( “bloody elmo feces”, of course!) 10pts.

Mom, I think, did a wonderful job mixing real guesses with the creative stuff. Very well done. I especially liked “dung of the day” 15 pts.
By the way, the shades are “danger sensitive” sunglasses. Ask Dad, he’ll explain.

Rob did something that I don’t think anyone else did through this entire contest. He mixed armadillo, maggots, dingo balls, fungus, and rabbit crap all into the same meal. He was also very close on the real guess. You get 15 pts, just never cook for me again!

Pamela went with a cannibalistic reference, and you know, when that happened, it just didn’t keep me from enjoying a biggie size Wendy’s chili with extra onions and cheese. Is there something wrong with me?? 10 pts for Pamela.

Oh, and by the way, Peg. My mother is going to get so much Iraqi shit in her stocking, she won’t know what to do with it.

As far as prizes go, there is a first place prize, and a whole bunch of second place prizes, which will all be the same. Fitting, considering there are four people tied for 2nd.
By my calculations,

Peg (THE BIG WINNER) leads the pack with 35pts!!!
(does anyone know how to mail a 12 year old Iraqi kid?)

My family + the 1st. lady all came in second with 30pts. Pamela, pulled 25pts, but she’ll always be a winner to me, so I promoted her up to second. Same goes for Pam and Eric, who got a little shy at the end.
There are a few of you who don’t work with my family, and therefore, I don’t have any way to reach you. So, Please, leave a good email address in a post, and I will pull it back off so it doesn’t get too much exposure. Don’t forget, it is VERY easy (and free) to start a new email account. It may be a good idea to start a new one so we can coordinate a mailing address, instead of using your primary address. I have a fun game ready to pass along tomorrow, which I’m sure will cause a great number of lost working hours.

Thank you for looking at my balls!!

It was a blast!