The Arabian Desert (simulated)
The procedures below will allow you to simulate the wonderful conditions of the Arabian Desert right in your own home, without having to deal with any messy travel agencies, airlines, or unfriendly governments.
What you will need:
one pair of hiking boots
one pair of thick winter socks
one sweat suit
One roll of duct tape
four hair dryers
3 extension cords
one pair of hand cuffs
one fire extinguisher
one stocking cap
water based lubricant
Step One:
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. (be sure that all windows and doors in your house are secured, and the air conditioning is turned off)
Step Two:
Put on socks, sweat suit, stocking cap, and hiking boots.
Step Three:
Using the duct tape, tape together the exhaust ends of two of your hairdryers. Make sure you have enough tape to keep them securly together.
Repeat with the other pair of hair dryers.
Step Four:
AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN, run around your house, and plug the extension cords into various places (make sure you have them on different circuits, if in doubt on this point, run down to the local electrition and consult him, then run back.) Have them run into the kitchen, and terminate near the oven.
Step Five:
BREAK TIME! Open the oven door and allow the dry Arabian warmth to wash over you.
Isn't this FUN!
Close the oven door, and RUN and retrieve the hair dryers. Hurry, Hurry, Hurry.
Step Six:
Plug the hair dryers into the extension cords that should be resting on the kitchen floor.
Stand back up, VERY QUICKLY! You should feel slightly dizzy, and sweat stains should the showing on your clothes and stocking cap.
Step Seven: Turn on the hair dryers to their maximum setting.
Step Eight: Open the Oven.
Step Nine:
As the heat from the oven envelops you, grab the hair dryers, and direct the flow of hot air
DIRECTLY UP YOUR NOSE!
You have now correctly simulated the effect of living in the Arabian Desert. If you have experienced any nose bleeds, nausia, dizziness, or believe you smell your nose hair catching fire, then you have achieved maximum effectiveness in this simulation.
note: The handcuffs and lubricant don't serve any purpose in this simulation, but they're terrific fun to play with and I believe they should never be left out.
What you will need:
one pair of hiking boots
one pair of thick winter socks
one sweat suit
One roll of duct tape
four hair dryers
3 extension cords
one pair of hand cuffs
one fire extinguisher
one stocking cap
water based lubricant
Step One:
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. (be sure that all windows and doors in your house are secured, and the air conditioning is turned off)
Step Two:
Put on socks, sweat suit, stocking cap, and hiking boots.
Step Three:
Using the duct tape, tape together the exhaust ends of two of your hairdryers. Make sure you have enough tape to keep them securly together.
Repeat with the other pair of hair dryers.
Step Four:
AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN, run around your house, and plug the extension cords into various places (make sure you have them on different circuits, if in doubt on this point, run down to the local electrition and consult him, then run back.) Have them run into the kitchen, and terminate near the oven.
Step Five:
BREAK TIME! Open the oven door and allow the dry Arabian warmth to wash over you.
Isn't this FUN!
Close the oven door, and RUN and retrieve the hair dryers. Hurry, Hurry, Hurry.
Step Six:
Plug the hair dryers into the extension cords that should be resting on the kitchen floor.
Stand back up, VERY QUICKLY! You should feel slightly dizzy, and sweat stains should the showing on your clothes and stocking cap.
Step Seven: Turn on the hair dryers to their maximum setting.
Step Eight: Open the Oven.
Step Nine:
As the heat from the oven envelops you, grab the hair dryers, and direct the flow of hot air
DIRECTLY UP YOUR NOSE!
You have now correctly simulated the effect of living in the Arabian Desert. If you have experienced any nose bleeds, nausia, dizziness, or believe you smell your nose hair catching fire, then you have achieved maximum effectiveness in this simulation.
note: The handcuffs and lubricant don't serve any purpose in this simulation, but they're terrific fun to play with and I believe they should never be left out.
posted by Jason Deitering at 12:17 PM
2 Comments:
And it's only June!
That was hysterical...
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